Head Mush 04/22

I’m not an idealistic person. I understand the idea of perfection is merely a picture painted in our heads. We use faith, hope, dreams and society to help cover the canvas with unrealistic colors and portraits and scenery and disillusionment.

I am the optimistic realist. I see hope and presence and that’s all there is. The future is an illusion and the past no longer exists in the present. It’s just a memory-one that can change slowly over time should your mind begin to bore easily.

I’m also not easy. I’m stubborn and analytical and creative and forever a student whose mind is never satisfied with everything it already knows. I push and fall and get up and fall and leap and fall and leap and…occasionally fly. That’s what I live for. Those few moments of flight when you’re at peace but so far off the ground that the wind beneath your feet is the only semblance of realism in that moment.

Today, I am reminded of what I live for. I’m not drawn to drama or games or talking without intent. Teach me something new and I become a better person each day. I don’t enjoy roads that lead nowhere, to the edge of the world “where the sidewalk ends” as Silverstein puts it. The sidewalk doesn’t end, it just needs to be finished.

I value, for all its uselessness to others, my own personal well being. Yeah, I said it. First comes me, then the rest of the world. It’s not about being selfish, it’s about being healthy. I imagine that the mental health and happiness of myself directly plays into the relationship I have with the world. Right now, the world is calm and collected for me.

I believe in a dance. The kind you have with the rest of the world around where you play and have fun and interact and just…...be. When the dance comes to a halt, who will you be standing with? Will your partners change? Will the music change? Will the dance itself change? Will you dance alone?

All of the above. It’s time for me to change the music, the dance…and me. I am a mover, and you, are not. I take leaps, you take steps. I move left, you move right. I dance, you only say you will.

Maybe sometimes, the best dance move is just to move on.