They say men are from Mars and women are from Venus. Well it's no wonder the 2 sexes never seem to understand each other beyond simplistic hand gestures, suggestive facial expressions, and sounds of the sexual variety. Martians trying to speak Venusian, and vice versa, is like visiting a foreign country whose country and language you might have heard of and might sound similar to your own, but can't comprehend nor speak if your life depended on it. Think American versus Brad Pitt's Mickey O'Neil in 'Snatch' albeit the subtitles.
Combine that and trying to hook up with anyone outside your own country and you're pretty much near screwed and can guarantee yourself a relationship that consists of nothing more than great sex and no conversation. Wait, why the hell am I writing this blog again? Maybe I should have married that lovely Frenchman who asked me last week.
Sigh.
In the midst of evolution, or perhaps adaptation if you're a non-Darwinism believer, what if the 2 sexes were to evolve somehow? What if the world suddenly produced women who looked like women (hot, breasts, legs, small waist, booty, and all the rest of the decipherable attributes) BUT who spoke and thought like men? Allow me to clarify.
The Hybrid:
She measures a 34C; her legs longer than her back, with a butt that looks better than 2 scoops of double fudge chocolate chunk brownie ice cream
She walks down the street with a quiet confidence-lacking the "Hi! You don't have money? Bye!" attitude that Martians seem to hate so much.
You see her-decide she's hot, obviously. So you walk over to her and say hi. She opens her mouth to speak….
and says…
"You're hot. I checked you out and your butt looks better than 2 scoops of double fudge chocolate chunk brownie ice cream."
OMG, your dream girl! You realize the following:
a.) she's freakin hot
b.) she's like a guy, but freakin hot
c.) she must have been a genetic experiment gone terribly wrong
Alas you are wrong. These hybrids are not the results of some test tube created by a pimpled young man named Bernard. You've seen them before, even befriended them before. They've simply been beneath a different guise this entire time. We commonly call them tomboys. Explain, you say?
Okay, so I've often heard men complain-height, male patterned baldness, sex, and above all, women.
"They shop too much."
"If they think they're fat, then they're fat."
"She's not prettier than her, but I want sex tonight."
In the Martian world, the majority of Venusians don't generally come packaged in the "tomboy" wrapping. Instead when they go shopping for their other half, guys seem to have a knack for bringing home the variety that complain too much, possess insecurity complexes, shopping addictions, and loquacious overly-dramatic verbal skills. Let's face it, when the packaging looks that good, you never really notice what's inside until you've taken it home. At the end of the day, you wind up taking the dayem thing back to the store so someone else can waste his time and money buying it-making you wonder why you ever brought the blasted thing in home in the first place.
Wrong purchase. Keep shopping. Browse. Nah, too fat. Eh, too skinny. Where are the breasts? Are they in another box? Wait, this one's pretty hot. Never seen it before.
Hmmm, looks familiar though. Packaging's different than the last one...
Advertisement says:
"Burps like a male, jokes like a dude, drinks like a man, and kisses like a lady! Try now!"
Okay, so comparing a woman to a store-bought toy is a little crass, as is the exterior advertising. Real question is, does the advertising, the packaging design, the whole shabang, scare him from taking her home just because it's not what he's used to?
Put it back and go with what you're used to even though it hasn't worked in the past and the models you've tried don't come with manuals? Or try a new variety that comes with a manual written in your language?
In all my rantings and wasting of your precious time dear reader, I still agree that men and women are most assuredly from different planets. We speak the same language, but we don't. We think the same, but we don't. We walk the same, and yep, you got it, we don't.
As difficult as all this inter-galactic confusion is, does it mean we should all accept the fact that we may never understand eachother? Should we stop trying because it's become increasingly difficult due to media influences, societal rules, and outcomes of relationships like Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston's?
I'm Venusian but I speak Martian. Since when did it become taboo to be bilingual?
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