Wakened without a cause 05/04

Time is an illusion that unfortunately we have to comply by according to life, living in it, playing by the rules so we don't get fired, broken or forget to not let life pass by. Without this illusion, how do we manage what's actually going on?

I'm up, dayem it. Awakened from a deep sleep without intent or cause. Left to enjoy the now non-silent recesses of my brain and music softly playing via iTunes. The Soul Rock 1 playlist has played in its entirety as I sit here struggling to close my eyes and get some much needed rest before work.

But like walking to the edge of a cliff, it's my fault. Mine for obliging to the schedules of others, the whims, the pointless banters that I should avoid for my own physical health. An engine running on half a tank of gas is like a countdown with a climactic explosion sure to ensue. 

The excuse? Does it really matter at this point because it's in the past and was obviously a choice? It's where we choose to do things that we end up closer and closer to that cliff's edge. Eh, I'm the stupid one. I stand on the edge because the breeze feels nice.

Am I really writing this shit at 4am???? I'm worse than a drunken poet. Way worse. Courtesy of a very specific episode of Law & Order: SVU, I learned that over 17 hours without sleep is like walking round with a blood alcohol level of 0.08%-enough to legally get you pulled over for a DUI. So what am I drunk with right now? Prior to a 330am cigarette? Anger. Post cigarette, indifference and only mild annoyance. 

I'm going to let the playlist run through and attempt to fall asleep amidst all this bullshit energy. Elvis is leaving the fuckin building.